How To Save Your Marriage After Cheating – 8 Steps

If you try to save your marriage after cheating then you probably understand that it is not going to be that easy at all. However, there are some steps that can absolutely help and here are 8 recommendations for us:

Step 1: Acceptance

Hate, anger, sadness, betrayal and shock are all typical feelings that a person has after they have been cheated on. There will not be any progress in the relationship until the aggrieved person has accepted what has happened. Please do not make the mistake of thinking that acceptance is the same thing as being okay with it but instead it is a conscious acknowledgement of what has happened, it is a productive state that happens after the shock waves and aftershocks have settled. It is the state that will allow you to make your best move forward, be that a move towards working on staying together, separation or divorce. You must accept that this is happened and then you plot your next move. Lastly, acceptance also means accepting any feelings you have be them anger or otherwise.

Step 2: A Partner Who Is Willing To Work Things Out

No good will come from your efforts if both parties are not willing to work things out. A relationship takes two people so does rebuilding and saving a marriage. You cannot begin the healing of the marriage without the other person being on board, although there is a self-healing element that should never be looked over.

Step 3: Healthy Communication

This is one of the hardest things, communicating with your partner after they or you have been unfaithful. What do you say, how do you express your hurt, how do you express why you have cheated. No matter how hard it is, you have to be willing to keep the lines of communication open so that the healing process can occur. Try not to communicate with angry and even consider counseling to help clear the lines of communication.

Step 4: Honest Empathetic Communication

Healthy communication isn’t enough because it also needs to be honest and direct communication and this might mean speaking the truth even if it is hurtful. It can also mean sharing your hurt in a productive way and letting your partner know exactly who their infidelity made you feel. It can also mean describing some hurtful reason why you have cheated. This process is painful but it is also healing. Most people aren’t willing to go through this process, it is hard but it is very much worthwhile.

Step 5: Time To Heal

You must realize that healing takes time and that working on your marriage might not be best approached right after learning that infidelity has taken placed because the feelings are all too raw. The best approach might be to step back, choose your communication wisely and give each other a chance to process what all has happened. These raw feelings can’t be touched too soon, they are much to raw.

Step 6: Fight Fair

With all the emotions that are stirred up when cheating takes place it is difficult not to attack your partner. It is hard not through your reason for cheating in their face in a hateful way when they become emotional, angry or attacking. It is up to both partners to fight fair and to not be cruel to each other.

Step 7: Be Kind To Each Other

This is so difficult and it relates to the previous section but you have to be kind to each other and yes that includes being kind to the person who cheated on you. Remember that at each moment of life that you are becoming who you are so even in these difficult moments your character is being created. Kindness in the face of hurt and betrayal is the ultimate strength and it might even lead you down a path to a stronger marriage.

Step 8: Is Your Marriage Worth Saving

Not all marriages are worth holding onto. Sometimes there’s just too much pain and disrespect to try and make things work. Sometimes the partner who you’ve cheated on is too hurt and will never forgive you. Sometimes it is bet to part ways, sometimes it is the healthiest thing to do. Figure out what is best for you, what is best for your partner and what is best for the relationship. Without figuring out this step you cannot move forward.

Putting It All Together

As you can see this is a very heavy topic, it is a topic that weighs on your emotions like a 4000 ton truck. The process of saving a marriage after infidelity is not an easy process, it is far from easy. Repairing your marriage might just be the hardest thing you do in your life because how it weighs on your psyche and how it presses against your emotions. One thing that you must remember is that there are couples who work through this and some even big much stronger relationships. Hopefully your marriage will be one of the success stories.

P.S. – below is also a video from Dr. Dana on how to save your marriage after cheating. It contains some great tips and we personally believe it can help you a lot as well…

We wish you the best!