Tips For Fixing A Sexless Marriage

Marriage is an amazing thing. It’s a legal contract and a connection between two people, all in one. Given that, it’s the sort of relationship that people want to keep going, even when there’s trouble. Unfortunately it’s not always that easy. There are a few problems that crop up fairly often in a marriage that’s breaking apart, and some of them are harder than others.

One of the hardest problems is when the sex starts to go away. While it would be wrong to say a marriage is built on sex, the simple truth is that, for many people, sex is a human need. This means that when your spouse doesn’t want to have sex, things can get tense and awkward. It may make you desperate, and you may get the idea to meet up with someone and have an affair.

Instead of that, however, you could try working on your marriage. There are a few things you can do that might help. They’re not easy, and you do have to be dedicated. However, if you are dedicated, then it’s worth giving them a try.

The first thing you need to do is identify why the marriage has become sexless. There are two main possibilities. One is that there’s a change in physical libido, and the other is that there’s a change in emotional state.

Changes In Libido

The libido is a term that refers to a person’s sex drive. There are a huge number of things that go into libido, everything from chemistry, to biology, and even psychology. By and large, however, physical libido refers to a simple, physical desire. When people have a strong libido, it means they have a lot of sexual desire.

Presuming your spouse is not asexual, which is something you would have known going into the relationship, changes in physical libido happen all the time. Sometimes there’s no specific reason for it, it’s just that a person’s sex drive has lowered. If that’s the case, you need to talk with your spouse. Speak with them openly and honestly, and explain your needs. Don’t accuse them of anything, because that won’t help you in the long run. If you accuse them of “holding out” or “trying to deny you”, that may simply make them defensive.

Instead, approach them as though you honestly believe they want to meet your needs as best they can. They are your spouse, after all. Presumably, they love and care about you. Upon explaining your needs, you then need to listen to your spouse. Again, don’t presume that they’re just trying to “get out” of having sex. If you can’t trust your spouse, then the marriage probably won’t last very long, sex or not.

Once you’ve spoken about your needs, and actually listened and understood why your spouse is having their issues, the next step is to find some possible agreement. This may involve you accepting less sex, or accepting things that are not the kind of sex you want. You may have to accept blow jobs instead of vaginal sex, or the occasional hand job. Again, this may be difficult, but presume that your spouse wants to meet your needs as best they can, and are trying their best to do so.

Change In Emotional State

Psychology can play a huge part in sex drive, but many people don’t realize all the ways it can affect things. Something as simple as feeling like you don’t see your spouse often enough can lead to having a lowered sex drive.

Chances are, if this is the reason your marriage has cooled down on the sexual activity, you’ll already know it. If that’s the case, then the answer is to deal with your issues. Go to couples’ counseling. Talk with your spouse, openly and honestly. Try to get to the root of why you’re having problems.

Honestly, the entire answer to fixing a sexless marriage boils down to talking with your spouse, and truly listening to what they feel is the problem. You may not be able to fix it. You may not be able to meet their needs, and they may not be able to meet yours. But you’ll never know that if you don’t try, and the only way to try is to communicate…